When Mommy Cries

I could tell a long story  filled with "you should take pity on me" details, but I'm not going to do that because, honestly, I'm being over dramatic with myself and it is not that big of a deal.  We'll just do the short pity story.  My theme song for the day, "Chin Up" you know from the original Charlotte's Web and it was my mind set as well.    You'll see.

This is from a few days ago.  We didn't know what was bugging him yet, but cuddles are always a plus!

Porter had a rough night, we got him up at 5:30 to discover a 101 fever.  Lovely.  We kept him home from school, again.  School that we pay for if he's there or not. We took him to the doctor as soon as we could.  They found strep.  I have it too.  It made a lot of sense and I was grateful it wasn't another untreatable virus.  I was feeling pretty good about things.  After lunch and prescription pick up we were hours past naptime when we got home.  Porter put up a bit of a fight but compared to what his sister put me through it was weak sauce.  I went to battle with her twice and finally got her to sleep.  She desperately needed it, she hadn't slept all day.  I really wanted a nap, but knew this might be my only chance to work on my homework before it's due. (Did I mention I'm taking courses through the next year to help keep my teaching license current?) So I got 10 minutes into it and the door bell rings, the dog has a level ten bark fest and Priya starts to scream.  It was home health delivering our oxygen tanks for Porter in the event of a natural disaster or emergency where his compressor wouldn't work.  I've never used tanks so I needed the brief training.  Which equated to me doing my best to focus through the dog barking and my 2 babies crying upstairs.  I rushed to get to Porter as soon as the dude was out my front door.  Opening the door quickly only to realize seconds later he was laying right in front of it and I had just jabbed him in the ribcage.  I picked him up feeling sorry for myself, picked on, then ashamed of my attitude and I started to cry.  Then it turned into bawling.  All the while I can hear Priya screaming that scream of hers the gets under my skin and makes my temperature rise.  I was suppose to be comforting Porter but he pushed himself back to see my face and took in my tears.  He touched my cheek and softly said to me, "It's alright." (words I've never heard from him before) As he wrapped his little body around my shoulders.  It felt so good the flood gates opened.  Porter pushed back and wiped my tears.  He patted and rubbed my back while repeating, "It's okay, It's okay."  Which helped me get myself under control.  He jumped down and ran into Priya's room to help his sister.  That little tender heart was such an example to me.  Not to mention, exactly what I needed.  A hug from someone who loves me.  I never stopped in the moment to think that I needed him more than he needed me.  As I ponder on that thought I think I need to remember that more often.  I need my children way more than they need me.  Mommy lesson learned.

I took this while he watched Curious George this morning.  Wouldn't even hold his head up.

 

Now we're watching Curious George 2, ya know since P watched the first one while I ran around packing up for the trip to the doctors office.  It took 15 minutes but I convinced Priya she'd survive just sitting next to me and that she didn't need to be held.   Hopefully she sleeps well tonight because a nap sure isn't in the picture.  With peace restored I wanted to write this down.  I never want to forget that part in bold lettering.  I'm sure it wont be the last time Porter shows me the way.  My amazing child who knows what it means to love as Christ did/does.  I'm holding back the tears again, best end this. 

I'm so grateful for my sweet, sweet Porter Ray.