I like many other women in this world have a struggle inside me that occupies my thoughts frequently. It's the battle of career vs. family. Ironically, my profession choice is not one of glamor and admirable achievement, such as lawyers or medicine. In fact, I am finding that many people look down at me with judgment for not desiring a career where I could earn more money, as if I've settled. Then there is the stereotype that has become a huge annoyance to me where people seem to think that all teachers are lazy and complainers. Because you know we get

summers off. Anyways, back to my original thought, there is part of me that gets really excited at the thought of continuing in my career and getting better at my job. Then there is this part that wants very badly to reach the next part of my life, filled with babies, meals, cleaning and (as Aaron teases me) a Mini Van... (Over my dead body, will I drive one of those!)
Of course, babies win. I still feel that whatever choice I make there will be moments of regret for me. Today I actually started thinking of myself as Jekyll and Hyde. I have these two completely different personalities. In my career I am passionate, driven, and willing to make sacrifices to be good at what I do. Then I really desire to have balance and as soon as I go down that path I wish I were home more, took more time for personal growth, instead of professional growth.
I've always wondered if I could be happy staying home all day taking care of home and family. Today I spent the day preparing meals for the upcoming week;

I did the laundry, I studied subjects of my personal interest, I got a new calling in the relief society (music director), which I'm thrilled about, and reflect on the joy the Gospel brings to my life. Tonight sitting here with Aaron watching the NY Giants and Green Bay Packers duke it out for a spot in the Super Bowl, I am completely content. Which makes me think I can be happy staying at home. It's not hard to imagine walking away from a career that at the end of each day leaves me tired and overwhelmed at the thought of the task which awaits me in the morning. I love teaching and every single one of my students holds a small space in my heart, however, family rings more true.
Just wait, that first screaming infant will show up and I'll be singing a different tune!