Thankful November

I was going to have this be our Thanksgiving post but I'm running out of time today and still have a few photos to gather from family before that post will be complete, but I still wanted to share this today.

You know how there are many people who do 30 days of Thankfulness in November well I keep a gratitude journal and write in it daily.  It was gifted to me by a dear friend who encouraged me to start this little ritual.  I love doing it and Kym for sharing this tradition with me.  On the next page you'll see some arrows and such.  On that page I keep two columns I write down one difficult thing about the day and then I keep a list of things to pray for.  But you don't get to see that stuff, we'll keep this positive. I just scanned my journal so you can see my entries for November.  It's my journal so I don't worry about grammar ect and sometimes I'm writing when I'm half asleep so... BE KIND people.

I hope you're hearts have much to be Thankful for!
Love,
Meg

Grateful Humbled Heart

Tonight Porter earned a reward ice cream sundae and he got to stay up late to have it so Sister wouldn't be jealous.  After he finished his special treat I had him help me clean up his dishes and we sat down together.  I asked for a hug and he let me hold him close and I was overwhelmed with gratitude for this amazing tiny 3 year old who is my son.  I started crying and Porter asked, "You okay, you alright?"  I pulled him back to look him in the eyes doing my best to smile, so he could understand what I was going to tell him and said, "Mommy just loves you SO much!  You mean Everything to me!"  He started to giggle and cuddled in close.  We stayed like that for a few minutes.

Raising a child who isn't always able to do everything we hope for him can be so heartbreaking, disappointing and painful.  We recently had to pull Porter out of his private preschool.  I've known for awhile that things weren't going well.  Porter would just fall apart when I would pick him up and from some reading I've done I've learned that children save their deepest emotions for those whom they feel safest with.  This left me very concerned about the emotions he was experiencing at school.  His teachers loved him dearly, but the structure of the school was such that in 2 short hours there were 10 transitions...which is a LOT.  You add special needs and sensory processing struggles in there and it was so difficult for him.  Talking openly and honestly with strangers about my child's weaknesses took so much courage on my part.  He is my child, an intimate and private part of my soul.  Having to talk candidly about his difficulties, while emphasizing all of his amazing feats was really intense for me.  The bottom line of the situation was that it was not the right thing to be doing for Porter.  He was unhappy there and he'll make more progress at home with me.   All of this has been disappointing.  When someone you love so much isn't able to do what you'd longed for them to do... and we wanted that for him hoping it would bring him happiness... it's been hard.

We now find ourselves in a very tough transition during one of the busiest times of the year: trying to develop the perfect home school curriculum for our son.  Creating a new schedule and routine during the Holidays has left my mind buzzing every moment I'm awake and many when I should be sleeping.   I'm not rushing, but I also feel that the sooner we can get started the better.  I am also so excited to have those 2 days of the week back with Porter.  I'm excited to be doing home schooling with him because I know him better than any teacher ever will.  Porter is a tremendous gift and I'm glad to have him back.  He is not perfect like many people say children with Down Syndrome are because anyone who knows him well knows he's naughty at times and he knows it.  However, he is the PERFECT example of unconditional LOVE.  He is teaching me so much about life.  Things that are important to me really aren't as important to him.  We have to live in a world that knows so very little about unconditional love, that frightens me.  I know that Aaron and I can provide Porter with a safe and loving place for as long as we're on this earth with him.  I believe his siblings will take over for us when we no longer are able to do that for him.  I guess my jist in all of this is that I often feel so much like I've been smacked in the face with a reality that isn't what I was hoping for, that is painful, hard to accept, but that doesn't mean it isn't good.  It's teaching me to look at life creatively and with an open minded perspective on what really matters in life.

I often feel like the Lord has to Humble me because I am no good at doing it myself.  The Lord needs me to be a better woman and sometimes that requires being forced to learn lessons that hurt because becoming stronger is often painful.  I see now that going through life with Porter is making me face with all the ferociousness in my soul my greatest weakness and fear, "What will others think of me or my family?"  I worry about that.  I am learning that what others think of me, perceive of me and my family doesn't really matter.  What other's think of me could never be correct because I am the only person who knows the intent of my heart, what I have done or have not done, what I believe, what I cherish and hold dear?  I am also the only person who completely understands my weaknesses.  Heavenly Father and I are the only people who can correctly say, "I KNOW Who Meghann Lynn Sorenson Gelter Is."  Everyone else can think what they like.  When I start to care too much what others might (because I'm never going to really truly know what other's think) believe of me I try to check myself and recenter myself.  Being okay in my own skin was unavoidable necessity after Porter was born because now people stare, good intentions or not, they see him and I'm usually standing right next to him.  The incredible thing is that the vast majority of people in my life love me, period.  Anyone who takes 2 minutes to open their heart to Porter LOVES him, because Porter loves them, period.  I'm also learning that as I stand bravely on my own foundation and be myself unashamed of who I am... I can do so much more good than when I'm constantly frightened of what other's may think of me.  Porter has challenged me to be a better person.

When I say to Porter, "You are everything to me."  I mean it.  There is a constant and ever present whisper that reminds me that this tremendous little person is an incredibly valuable spirit whom God may call home at any moment as He often does with these very special people who have DS.  Being his Mother isn't easy but every challenge I've faced has been paid back to me when I share the most incredible journey of loving Porter as his Mother.  I can not explain it, but I am so grateful Porter and his very special chosen sister Priya were sent to Aaron and I.

This was just going to be a little post about ice cream.  I guess I had a little more I needed to get out.

Love you all,
Meghann

P.S. Please note: the only reason I'm sharing something so personal is because I believe it is only when we are authentic that we're able to experience empathy with/for others.  While I often feel alone and like I'm the only person who's had these feelings I refuse to believe that I'm the only person who knows what this feels like.  I decided to publish this only because maybe it will help someone else feel less isolated.  While I believe in God and feel comfort in His presence in my life; I just want to remind friend of mine who do not believe the same as I that I love you, that I cheer for you, please don't feel alone.

Visiting The Farm

I'm pretty certain I've written about this before but I'll share again.  My parents read that pygmy goats are tremendously good pets for children with Down Syndrome so what do they do... buy 4 of them.  Build them a very customized goat house and play area.  For a long while Porter just wasn't interested in them like he was the horses but it's starting to work.  Porter is starting to enjoy playing with the goats and they're really fun.  Priya likes them as long as they don't nibble on her, which doesn't happen very often. Here are a few pictures of the kids visiting the farm. 

Autumn Round Up

While I hardly come close to keeping up with this blog of ours, I do organize my photos regularly into different files with titles to be blogged about.  This file is all the photos from our Autumn season that couldn't be categorized...random but good stuff... 

 Priya insisting on her baby being wrapped up in her blanket and put to sleep while she eats her breakfast.  P.S. Look at those curls! 

During a trip to the store I let the kids convince me to buy some Gerber cheese puffs.  They each got a can on the way home.  By the days end of errands both cans were empty. 

I. Adore. Her.  that is all.

We took (continue to take) many trips to the zoo. 

They are my twins!  Friday I was asked 7 times by strangers if they were twins.  I did a quick milestone inventory tonight using the HELP development charts and Porter is still ahead of Priya developmentally but they're very close.  It's a combination of him being behind and her being WAY ahead.  Combine that with being the exact same weight, only an inch different in height and I've got twins.  There's no other sight that sends happiness up and down my spine like this photo above right here: them sitting side by side in the built-in window bench in their boosters...ahh.  Something about that just makes me melt, SO CUTE!  

We have another Curious George junky.  George and "Minnie" (never Mickey) are the only television shows she'll watch for longer than 2 minutes. 

With winter comes illness in small children. 

Very rarely is there just one tub time during the day at our house.  My kids usually get in the tub twice a day.  I can only imagine what some of you are thinking about me right now. ;)  They love to play in the tub so I usually let them have a daytime/playtime bath and then they get a short scrub down, bedtime routine bath as well.  They get in our large soaking master bath because it's safer and more fun. Warm baths are also one of the most natural ways for me to help Porter's chronic congestion.   WE LOVE BATH TIME!!! 

On this Sunday Sydney and I were both wearing the pinned back bangs look.  His hair was SO long. 

P singing along to Happy Birthday for his Cousin Ava.  Priya was frightened. 

I am lucky enough to watch our neighbor's kids from time to time and with that I get my baby fix.  Paityn is the sweetest baby. 

More sick, this is at like 3 am.  Don't you just love the bent, sock less, leg? 

Happy Boy

Daddy got home from a work conference and he took the kids out for ice cream and a play date.  They loved it. 

The two photos below have a little story attached.  Priya was not having a good morning as you can tell from the two blankets, binkie and cookie.  The extra neediness is why I took the first photo.  The second one I took because when I checked back on her like 1 minute later the cookie was gone and the binkie still in place, chocolate smeared behind it.  I wish I had witnessed the consumption of that cookie! 

I surprised Priya with a new pair of church shoes and winter boots one morning.  She loves shoes and was pretty excited about them. 

Love this Photo below! 

This right here captures such a typical moment for me.  My children were playing fantastic together, side by side talking about their books together.  I grabbed my camera to take a photo of the blissful moment, only to have Porter close the book on Priya's hand as the photo was being taken and Priya in true dramatic fashion overreacting. :)  I must tell you, however, that while I rolled my eyes I'm glad the perfect moment was ruined so I could get this great picture that makes me laugh every time.  These are my real children and I still love them even though they can be really tough.  Isn't it funny?

Classic Porter & Priya Moment: 

Priya, "If I scream loud enough and make it look bad enough Porter will get in trouble." 

Porter, "What's her problem?" 

Here's to the adventure of raising a boy with special needs and a gifted and strong willed girl; hoping I survive with a smile on my face and a little peace in my heart! 

Dirty Dash

This post doesn't need any words, so I'll keep it short.  Aaron and I had a ridiculously good time running (more like trudging) the Dirty Dash together.  In true playful Aaron fashion he threw me into the first mud pit we got to.  My favorite part was sliding down on my bottom into a slush pool, I giggled the whole way in.  Aaron's favorite part of the run was "being with you" * aside from that he said he enjoyed the mud and obstacles, which is pretty much the entire experience excluding the showers and barefoot walk back to the car.   We signed up so we could do something together as a couple (we did invite family to join us but it ended up just the two of us).  It's definitely the most unorthodox date we've been on yet.