Next Time You See Me Would You

Ask how my dinner pantry is coming along? Tonight I started on one goal I've had floating in the back of my head to help prepare for Porter's arrival: power cooking so I can have frozen meals on hand that Aaron or I could easily prepare. My goal is to power cook one night a week until this little guy makes his appearance. I started off my making a triple batch of these: Sweet and sour meatballs. I hope the way I decided to freeze them works. So, help me keep going because we have a lots and lots of started projects and very few finished. I don't want this one to end up with the same "pending" status. Also ladies if you have any recipes that you wouldn't mind sharing that freeze well, PLEASE SHARE! I'm lucky to have access to these, and a few in my cookbooks that I know will work, but I'd love to have more!

Don't Forget To Pray

I try to always say a prayer before I leave our home each morning which is normally stopping right as I run out the door. This morning I was behind schedule and the thought crossed my mind to skip prayer; I'm glad I didn't! As I was driving to work this morning there was a 3 car pile up right behind me. I was the first car that didn't get hit! When I realized what had happened I instantly thanked my Heavenly Father for keeping me and my baby safe. My prayer before leaving this morning was fast and simple, but I had asked that our little family be blessed with safe travel on our way to work and we were. There's my little Tuesday Testimony. Heavenly Father is listening and does answer our prayers!

This Makes Me Feel Vulnerable

There have been many times when I've thought about posting this publicly but I just haven't because it's really between me and Aaron and nobody else. But, it's what has been going on with me so I'm being bold and daring to share. What you're about to read is a short (I know can you believe it) version of what you would find on my private blog hashing out these questions. As we continue to prepare for our baby I have a constant checklist running through my mind and we're doing fairly well. But there is one matter that is unresolved and it's eating at me. The question is: Will Meg be a Full Time Stay At Home Mommy or a Full Time Mommy working as a Part Time teacher? Neither Aaron nor I feel full time is an acceptable option.

This question started tormenting me about 4 months ago, but as we prayed about it we both got the impression that it wasn't the right time to decide. We've been to the temple again this week seeking an answer to this question and both of us still feel strongly it's still not time to decide. My big thing is not wanting to live with regrets or questions like, "I wonder if?" I hate that feeling! This combined with the answer to our prayers being, "wait" has left this matter teetering in limbo. Here are the recent thoughts:

Someone in my life recently made me feel (intentionally or not, I don't know) that me even thinking about working was a sin because it's not a necessity for our family. This person made me feel that working for my joy and love of teaching was wrong and an injustice to my child. Might I say this just made me angry and my aggressive personality wants to work just so I can contradict this person, but that's not a good way to go about life. This has been a huge matter of reflection and study for me personally the last 4 months and during one morning of study I had an overwhelming impression of, "It's not a sin." There have been many, many women who have had to make this decision and I am not the only one who has struggled to give up her career! We're all different and it being a sad thought for me to think about turning off the teacher inside me for Mommy does not make me a bad person!

I think the desire to work comes from this last year's attempt to be a stay at home wife. It's hard to admit but I slipped into depression very quickly being home all day long and trapped in this horrifying feeling like there was nothing to look forward to in myself. Jumping back into my career brought back those pieces of myself. I know that being home with an infant is different but I'm scared this could happen again and I might lose myself again! I don't want that to happen! Partly because it hurt me, but I can't imagine feeling that way would make me a better mother. This is where my next question comes in, what will make me the best Mom I can be?

I really enjoy the thought of being home as well. I like the thought of being able to manage home, family, and gospel as a home maker. It actually sounds very restful in comparison to the competitive and stressful work environment. There are so many things that I would like to do/be better at as a home maker and perhaps this would be the chance I need to shine in that role. I find myself wondering, "do I have the strength needed to be productive and feel like I'm making a difference if I stay home?" I know that if I stay home I'll need something just for Meg. It doesn't have to be big; a goal that I move towards a little each week. I need something selfish and all about Meg. Maybe that's wrong, but I think it would help me keep in touch with this person I like to call "Self". I'm sure many of you have had seasons in your life where you've needed something just for you, what did you do? Running a marathon, take classes towards an additional educational endorsement, book clubs, a gym membership? What worked for you?

I'm also a little nervous about our answer of "wait". Is there something in our future that will require my income? My career has provided savings and a buffer financially, it's nice. I find myself wondering what would happen if, heaven forbid, we lost Aaron's income and I wasn't working? It does make me a little nervous with the economy the way it is. Don't worry, there haven't been any indications of such a thing happening, but it does cross my mind.

I'm looking forward to finding the answer that works for MY family. I know that if we listen to the promptings of the spirit after prayerful study and wait for a confirmation of what path Heavenly Father wants US to take those regrets and fears I worry about wont haunt me. I'll be able to look back and say, "I did what my Heavenly Father wanted me to do. Be faithful to your answer." I want that peace, but I'm getting a little impatient for our answer. :) I'll let you know when we get there.

Please feel free to leave a comment. I only ask that if you do it be positive. I would also appreciate it if you didn't leave your opinion if you haven't actually experienced it (i.e. "I don't like it when people...") I just want to hear the good things about your experiences. Those kind of comments will be the most helpful, if that makes any sense. Can you see why I've been nervous to post this? It's so very personal.

Sometimes Sydney Says It Best

Aaron and I love to play/dance in the rain. Well this last April week was very accommodating to our small tradition but we learned a freshly aerated lawn and adding our puppy into the fun leads to getting muddy. We were just as muddy as him, but it was thrilling!
That is, until bath time.

This is how mid-third trimester is making me feel.

Puppy loves can make any stress melt away.

Freedom! Spring time is here and I think we all crave a good uninhibited run in the sun.
(My baby sister Baylee took these pictures)

P.S. Upcoming post of my Baby Shower, as soon as I get the pics from my sis.

Beware of Drowsy Blogging

I made the new banner last night during the Jazz game. This means I stayed up much later than I should have. Well I lost the banner right before I was going to upload it onto the blog so in my state of awake slumber I quickly made the banner again and just uploaded the dang thing (it was the principal of the thing at that point). Aaron kept looking over at me to say, "You need to go to sleep." "Honey, you're tired, go to bed." Anyways, this morning I get up, load our blog and look...I spelled my very own name WRONG! I'll fix it ASAP, but not right now since there is a day of teaching and work ahead of me. BLAH!

Easter

Sunday our Bishop spoke about this video clip and encouraged all of us to watch it. President Holland's message is one of hope and responsibility. I just thought I'd post it to share, perhaps a little late, but still touching nonetheless. I'm so grateful for this Gospel of truth and for the divine love on my Savior Jesus Christ. My heart can not comprehend all that He suffered for me, but I feel it's significance and am humbled that the Son of God would love me enough to atone for my shortcomings, sins, and pains. This message motivates me to try harder.

The YouTube video is too wide for my layout, so I'm going to have to just give you the link: Elder Holland's Message

Busy, Busy, Busy and Loving Every Minute

Sorry there has been such a large gap in between posts. I try not to let that happen, but such is life. Aaron and I have had lots of things going on the last little bit and I just haven't had time to post. We were so lucky this last weekend to have Annelie (our good friend) come and spend conference weekend with us. It was so nice to see her and to visit. I'm also very grateful she came because we were able to attend two sessions of conference! At first I'll admit watching at home in my pj's was a little hard to give up, but I was able to get so much more out of conference this time. I'm still on a spiritual high from it. Thanks Annelie for letting us come along. Aaron thanks you again for your German cuisine!
Aaron and I have started on our great big list of things to do before Porter arrives. It has included such things as reading consumer report after consumer report on all kinds of baby products, making purchases of nursery furniture and working on other projects for his room. I'm pretty sure he'll have the nicest room in the house by the time we're done. There are also little random projects on our list that we just feel more motivated to do if we say we'll have it done before he gets here. The only goal I'm not sure I'll make is being able to pull my hair back in a pony tail. :( I want my long hair back so badly.

Along with preparing for baby Porter we just graduated from our Third Trimester class last night! Wahoo! Last night all the daddies to be had a diaper derby. Probably the most amusing thing I've seen! I'm so glad Aaron can change a dirty bum with the pros. I've been so grateful for this class. It's been better than any book I've read and the nurse that taught it was awesome. It covered a whole gamit of things: pain management options and techniques, how dad can help during the pain, the little things nobody tells you, caring for you and your baby postpardom, touring labor and delivery rooms, where we saw lots of newborns and a placenta (yummy), and lots of other stuff. This class has really relieved much of my anxiety around giving birth. I now know what to expect as does Aaron and he wont just be standing by helplessly; he knows some good tricks. Already I'm more in love with him because they taught the husbands pregnancy massage the first night, it's Heavenly!

As our due date gets closer we've been thinking, praying, and doing our best to prepare for this big life change. In our studies I've found two new favorite quotes on parenthood. I didn't notice until afterwards that they're both from President Gordon B. Hinkley.

• "Never forget that these little ones are the sons and daughters of God and that yours is a custodial relationship to them, that He was a parent before you were parents and that He has not relinquiched His parental rights or interest in these little ones. Now, love them, take care of them... welcome them into your homes and nurture and love them with all of your hearts."
  
• "Love your children. Cherish them. They are so precious. They are so very, very important. They are the future. You need more than your own wisdom in rearing them. You need the help of the Lord... Pray for that help and follow the inspiration which you receive."

This home is happily enjoying each moment preparing for Porter and the last few weeks as just Aaron and Meg. We're so blessed!