The Simple Truth

My family is spending the day at my In-law's home because I'm still sick and Aaron needs more work hours.  I can't keep up with the children right now and need to rest.  Even though that's the last thing I want to be doing.  So it's quiet here, my thoughts and I are all alone. :( I need an outlet, this is it.  I hope you will forgive me, but this is my journal.

•   I love Aaron and He loves me.  It's wonderful, safe, and happy.  Sometimes it feels like I'm living the "Happily Ever After" part of the fairytale.  We're not perfect, but we are perfect for each other.  He is so much of the GOOD in my life. 

 

• I'm am so disappointed in myself sometimes.  Especially when I look back on the person I used to be.  There are people in my life who will only ever see me as that person, making it hard to forget.  But, I value myself.  I am so far from perfect and no one needs to remind me of that... I already know it, but I am trying.  I can only control myself so I do my best to let go of the things and choices of others that cause me pain.  I place them in the hand of God until they're handed back if they should ever need to be.  This life is meant to try us and teach us.  It's not suppose to be easy or perfect.  However, it is suppose to be joyful even in the hard times.  I feel that joy.  I find that joy and I bask in the beauty of it.  I protect it and do my best not to let anyone else rob me of it; but I'm happy to share it with you if you're willing to truly open your heart to me.  We're all meant to feel joy, I hope you see it in your life too.  I hope that you may never feel that I am the thief of your joy.
• My sweet children are the most BEAUTIFUL gift I could ever receive.  I'm at a point with our family where the thought of having more children creeps into my mind from time to time.  That and as my friend said the other day, "Pregnancy is really going around right now."  :)  So many people are expecting around me it makes me wonder if I should be too.  You know, like peer pressure.  I am not in that place, however.  This may seem very selfish to some people but I need a little time for me.  I need to build myself back up so I have plenty to offer my children right now and the children who may come.  That and I feel like a spinning question mark right now where more children are concerned.  Are we done?  We want to Adopt, can we do that?  Are we suppose conceive another child? Luckily for me, the one overwhelming feeling I have is... it's not time to think about those things yet.  When it is the answer will be clear.
• My secret hobby: I am running.  Or at least I was until it became impossible to climb the stairs without wheezing.  I didn't want to share because it's really trendy right now and I don't like to do things because they're trendy.  I have also had problems in the past with running, but I've checked with my doctor and dietician.  If I manage my diet correctly I shouldn't have problems.  I'm also terribly afraid I wont be good at it or worse I might not be able to do it at all.  Then I saw this on the Ragnar FB feed and decided to heck with what anyone else thinks, to heck with being fast.  I'm running.  I run slowly and I'm completely out of shape, but I do it.  I'm even starting to like it. 
• Pinterest:  LOVE IT and HATE IT.  I love it because there is so much good stuff on there.  I'm a visual person and get sucked in.  I hate it because it makes me feel like I will never be able to think of something truly original ever again. I really like finally knowing what my style and taste is, instead of hoping I stumble upon it at the store. 



Dinosaur Feet from School.  He loves them.

• Honesty-- I don't try to hide anything in my life.  Perhaps that's taboo.  Sometimes things need to be private, but I'm not referring to those things.  I'm referring to the bad days and the not so pretty stuff.  It happens. I'm grateful for it.  I figure it's here to teach me something and often I learn from it.  I hope I don't come across as negative when I admit to crying during the middle of my day.  I have emotions, there are days that are really hard.  I feel no weakness in admitting that.  That's all part of life and I'd like to have an accurate remembrance of things.  I don't want my children thinking everything was perfect in our lives.  I want them to know when things get tough, they need to be looking to God for the reason.  If Heavenly Father doesn't answer them right away, I want them to know to have faith, hold fast and live by the principals of the gospel until the Lord sends the answer or direction they need.  I want them to work for their joy.  I want them to know that they were a work of joy themselves.  So I write about it all, the good and the bad.

See the two soars on her head, that's the handy work of Porter.  I'm trying really hard to dig deep and see what I'm suppose to learn from my children fighting so much.  I haven't had any great answers except that Porter gives me lots of opportunities to show him and his sister how to love each other.  Maybe it's something they'll learn for the rest of their lives.  At least I tell myself that so I can keep up with them.

 

 

When I un-complicate the many facets of my life I see the simple beauty that surrounds me.  I feel so blessed and happy.  I'm so grateful.