It's not the kind of hour I want to be awake. No, I'd really prefer to be sleeping but I've got much on my mind concerning you Porter Ray.
Porter, I love you and your sister Priya fiercely. I'm very selfish where you two are concerned. I want both of you to be with me for as long as possible and I'm willing to fight for that privilege. I don't want to miss anything. I don't want to be left out. I certainly don't want to regret my motherhood. So I try really hard to make sure I wont. But, I think it's inevitable. I love you so much that I will regret how quickly it will pass. Tonight I'm thinking about how I sometime fool myself into believe I can have control over how long I have my sweet children here in this life. It's such a lie. Heavenly Father has given you two precious gifts to us on loan. He is/was your Father first and He knows what's best for you, me, and our family. To think otherwise is just foolish. These are deep thoughts that are being stirred up by something of only a moderate magnitude.
We met with a doctor this week to get a second opinion about your adenoids and tonsils. This doctor thinks that we should have them removed as soon as possible; while your previous doctor was refusing to do this surgery. You're Dad and I disagree a little about what's best. Lucky for you we've both got your best interest at heart and are willing to fight over it until we discover the optimal decision. It's a tough call to make, not doubt. You're doing really well with the oxygen. You're so young and small a surgery like that is hard on anyone but could be really no fun for you. As you're dad put it, "I know I wouldn't want to go through something that painful. It hard for me to think about doing that to him so young." The doctor kind of rubbed your Dad the wrong way because he talked about how the surgery would, "Buy your son time." Implying that inevitable the sleep apnea would take it toll on your heart, a little harsh, but the truth. From that point on your Dad wasn't exactly nice to this man which bugged me, but then I realized it's just another sign of how much Daddy loves you. Tonight you're struggling to breath and have woken up coughing and gasping to clear your airway. I can't imagine how terrifying that must feel. We know that this surgery needs to be done, but we're trying to figure out when the time is best and right. We'll be turning to the Lord for an answer. It's such a complex decision in our minds and now with 4 doctors (2 ENTs and your 2 pediatricians) all telling us different things it's a little hard to sift through.
*I just want to add a note: I know many of the people who follow our blog have to make much harder decisions for their children then this one and I don't mean any disrespect to you or your situation. This is the first time we've really had different opinions.*
I know one thing for sure, Porter. You are good for people who are willing to open their hearts to you. I should be used to it after 2 years but I'm always in awe of how you touch people. My Grandma Thompson being filled with joy to play a game of tickle with you on her birthday. Great Grand-dad hugging you every single time you put your arms up to him. The little French man we bumped into who didn't speak any English but snapped your picture, walked with you, talked with you, and absolutely would have put you in his suitcase to take home as a souvenir. All of them were glad to be with you. I worry about the people that are closed off, scared, or ignorant and there have been a few. Thankfully, those that welcome love are abundant in our lives. I'm so grateful for them. I'm grateful for the way they calm my momma heart and bless your life.
Loving you more and more each day, my not so little baby boy!
Mommy
7 comments:
Definitely difficult decisions for you to make. It is a painful surgery, my daughter had it done when she turned five. But I know many families who have had this surgery done on their kids with Ds at age 2. We will eventually have it done with Lucas as well but we won't be seeing our ENT until Spring to even discuss it.
Beautiful post, my love! He really is a special little boy and it makes us better people to be around him.
We kinda had the same thing with Morgan. We took her to Dr. Hill for her first eval and he really scared me and told me we should wait until she was around 4 years old. I took her for a second opinion to Dr. Muntz and felt so much better with his confidence in doing the surgery. She had her tonsils and adenoids removed when she was 21 months. Ultimately I decided I was not comfortable having her go to a doctor who didn’t feel good about doing that surgery. I also heard a few horror stories about some of his surgeries from another mom and felt so much better about going to Dr. Muntz. Morgan did great. It was painful and difficult to get her to drink but never was there any fear of complications. And it was so nice to know her sleep apnea was no longer a concern.
We all love you, Porter!
Porter is such a tremendous blessing in all of our lives!
Hey Elder Gelter, this is the ehemalige Sister Gold. I was just looking at MTC pics and was thinking about my boys. Anyway, just wanted to say Hi! We're in Alaska, last name is Reed now and we have to kids Kai (4) and Kiana (2). Your kids are adorable. Meghan, I was reading about what you wrote on your anniversary, you have a great guy, he was one of our best elders. Looks like you're doing great. Good to see what you've been up to.
I feel the exact same way! And I took gabi to the ENT dr today in fact and they want to do the same thing. Her tubes are blocked and they want to put new ones in and take her adenoids out at the same time to help keep infections out of her ears and nose. We haven't tested fro sleep apnea yet but she move like crazy when she sleeps so I do worry about that too. We will most likely do sleep studies soon to find out for sure! I hope all turns out well and I will keep him in my prayers as well. I love our little angels and can't imagine life without them! They truly make this world a better place!
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