Heart Be Still

Some of you may have seen a post I wrote a few nights ago about a negative experience Porter and I had as a result of him having Down Syndrome. About 30 minutes after I published, I decided to delete it. I don't want to share the bad that sometimes happens because people are imperfect. I'd much rather share the things that give me great hope in people. I was lucky enough to have such an experience tonight.

I was grocery shopping with Porter who was just a bouncing away in the cart, he actually tried to climb out at one point. I went to check out and felt like I should change lanes, so I did. Porter turned around in his seat and flashed a smile at the cashier, who happily gasped at the sight of him. She started to help me and then stopped because she couldn't resist P anymore. She started talking to Porter and in return he smiled, talked back, while energetically trying to get into this friends arms. They obviously had a connection. She turned to me and said, "He's a very special boy!" I tend to down play these comments and said, "I sure do love him!" She then looked at Porter and said, "I had a child with Trisomy 18". I instantly felt a reverence and respect for this woman, and I really felt my heart slow down. I couldn't bring myself to ask because she used the word HAD and I know the facts. If her baby had survived pregnancy and was born life expectancy is only 5-15 days. All I could bring myself to say was, "Lucky US". She responded, "Yes, lucky us!" These few minutes were sooo amazingly positive! I've been thinking about it all night. This small interaction has reminded me that ALL life is a Gift! Even if that life isn't what was expected or God saw fit to bring a perfect soul back to Him quickly while giving a Mother & Father the chance to love if only briefly.

Aaron and I are ready and hoping to welcome another child into our home soon. The only way I could get here was through some serious pray. Aaron knew the day we brought Porter home another child was ready, but I let fear slow me down. While I feel a little shame admitting this it's the truth: Porter's birth left me traumatized. NOT PORTER, but his BIRTH. Not even his birth it was what followed his birth. I wouldn't trade HIM for ANYTHING!!! I'd be overjoyed to have another child with Down Syndrome; but being told all through my pregnancy that my baby was healthy then finding out shortly after his birth all that could be wrong was traumatic. I worry about giving birth to an unhealthy baby. Yet, I also know we'd get through it and would be so blessed to care for a fragile child. I think there are lots of things that just happen that leave us traumatized big or little we've all had those experiences. This woman tonight reminded me... God is teaching us through these experiences and it may take some help to work through them, but there is something to be learned and you'll be blessed because of it. This world is full of GOOD and BAD. Right now my heart has great faith that the good can and will guide me through the bad and scary unknown, so I can grow and learn to become what God would have me be. For that I'm can't help but be grateful.

(expecting Porter)

(Our Angel Porter Ray)

Looking through these pictures reminds me that we have always celebrated Porter's life, and we were so joyful to welcome him into our family. I don't know why I've been so scared. He has touched the hearts of all those who have opened their hearts to him.